Counselor Stiles
by KyraEleison
Summary: When you're in doubt, he's the one to call. Counselor Stiles can totally solve any kind of problems. He can even give Derek some dating advices, because let's just face it: Derek sucks in love.


Counselor Stiles is always here to help. He'll tell you how to do it.

If they'd have one behind the Wall, even Jon Snow would know something. If not everything.

This time: Sterek.

_**25 minutes earlier**_

-Peter, it must be you, naturally. - Scott pushes his index finger into Peter's chest.

-Not gonna happen, Scotty. He doesnt' even believe my questions. I'm kinda sure he wouldn't be impressed by my advices. He loves to hate me. Family business. - Peter's checking his new pair of leather pants in the mirror and seems quiet satisfied. - You should do it. Oh wait, no... You're not part of the pack... Isaac, you do it.

-What? I'm just a wolf puppy, look at my face! Look at my eyes! Look! - his huge, tearful eyes makes the whole room say 'aawwwww'.

-I can't believe this is happening to me, you guys are just a bunch of... - the door slams to the wall, pieces of broken glass falling to the ground

Nobody seem surprised when Stiles walks in. He warned them before, that he'll be practicing his new entrance.

-Sorry for this. - broken glass cracks under his feet. - Am I missing something?

The guys in the room start smiling meaningfully. Except for Isaac. He's still looking around with his baby wolf eyes.

_**Present**_

-What the... - Derek looks at his damaged door.

Surprisingly, he doesn't really look happy. He might be more impressed if he'd find a singing unicorn in his apartment instead of a broken door and a Stiles.

-What the...

Stiles slowly fixes his black glasses - Ah, Derek. Come in, please.

-It's my apartment.

-Sure. We need to talk. Lie down on the couch and relax.

Derek looks around in disbelief. - You get out now, or I'm gonna rip your throut out w...

-..with your teeth. I know, We had a serious conversation with the guys, you know and as the most experienced member of our little boyband, it's my duty to talk to you about something very important. Lay yourself down on the couch and get comfortable.

-Are you fucking kidding me? - the wolfman looks less and less impressed with every minute. That irksome, fine piece of ass.

-If you feel more relaxed while you're dancing on the table half naked, that's fine for me.

Derek drops himself on the couch restlessly while breathing heavily.

-That's right. Now that we got a little friendly, we should discuss your astonishingly poor choices in women, 'cause buddy you have some seriously sick fixations. Two out of two of your girlfriends were psychotic, and though the sexual tension might have been kind of hot, not everybody is into that kind of crazy S&M shit, where you must enjoy or you die. - Stiles keeps on playing with his glasses and annoys the hell out of Derek at the same time.

-You must have been born under the sign of Wolfsbane or silver bullet, otherwise I have no idea how can you be so unbearable.

-Come on, Derek. Listen, when it comes to dating, and I'm saying this as a total expert, the first and most important thing you have to keep in mind is that you make sure you don't ever pick up chicks from _Azkaban_, okay?

Derek sits up, looks so confused he almost forgets how to 'Derek' for a minute. Stiles doesn't want to believe his own impressions.

-Do you know what _Azkaban_ is?

-No... - the wolfman might be a big guy, but he's got things to confess.

-You don't know _Harry Potter_? Dude, where did you live in the last couple of years? In the middle of a forest? Wait a minute... Ok, never mind. Second thing: choose girls who enjoy doing nice, girly things. Not wrestling, shooting, definitely not bathing in innocent people's blood. Those are **N-O-T** girly. Can you dance?

-No.

-Can you sing?

-No.

-Do you have any kind of special talents that make you interesting at all?

-I turn into a werewolf every full moon.

Stiles's constantly rolling his eyes. - No, Derek, wrong! Nice girls don't get excited when they hear that you might drink their blood up. Something else?

-Single handed pushups maybe?

-That's what I'm talking about! We can go with that. Third thing: and I'm not even kidding when I'm telling you, this is the key to every door, if you know what I mean – Derek hasn't got the slightest idea what the kid means. - you should smile, my big wolf friend.

-Why?

-Why? Well, because it might turn you from sour wolf into something else. You can get to be sweet and sour wolf. That's a nice flavor combination.

-I'm gonna rip my own throat out...


End file.
